It's not about me.

This past week has been a very real reminder how my life is one hundred percent not about me. We live in a culture that teaches us from a very young age to take care of ourselves first but I can say without a doubt my life is not about me. When I step back from that thought it leaves a very hard lump in my throat. It's a difficult thought to process but it's an idea that has very rapidly been forced upon me over the last few months and even days.

Throughout this adoption process and over the course of Seth's eye trouble I have been told multiple times, "y'all are amazing." Or "I don't know how y'all do it." Sorry for the overuse of y'all. I just can't write you all. It is so unnatural, anyways. We have been praised for our ability to handle what I believe people view as difficult or overwhelming situations. Let's be honest. Most people just think we are crazy and they are just trying to be nice but they heap praise on us regardless. I don't take praise (or criticism) very well. My sister Allison recently had a wedding shower and she confided that she was nervous about being the center of attention. I guess those feelings are in our genes. I don't want attention and I sure don't want praise. But Allison gifted me multiple blessings on her shower day. Let me tell you about one of those things.

Allison  asked for a recipe shower since she lives far away and she also requested that if anyone wished to give monetarily that they give to their favorite charity. After the shower we came home and Allison opened the cards given to her that day. She opened several cards and then came to one that contained money. After reading what was written she handed the money to me. She answered my puzzled look with this reply "I asked that people give money to bring Lila home."  Yall I could  not hold myself together. It's been a crazy emotional week that culimanated, ironically on the same day as Allison's shower, with the passing of my Papa. I mean I am a wreck just writing this.

Each day I am reminded of the complete selflessness of Christ. There was a man who deserved nothing but praise and adoration. He could have easily spent much time in the spotlight but yet he walked away from it to be crucified. CRUCIFIED WITH SINNERS. I have to let that sink in. Crucified not sitting on a throne. Crucified. It was not about him but all about the Father.

Allison's simple yet powerful gesture just reminds me that my life is not about me. This adoption is not about our family. Seth's health struggles is not about us. All of these things are for the glory of the Father.

It has been almost exactly a year since I started this blog. It's clearly been therapeutic. Hang on let me wipe my eyes. My stories and words are not for me. I pray they will always be for the Father.